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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 6, 2014 9:00am-9:31am PDT

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>> from comedy strarld's world -- central's world husband headquarters in new york this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. good show tonight. tonight's guest the greatest, the greatest relief pitcher in baseball history mariano rivera is joining later on tonight. i'm very excited about that but -- [laughter] i said the but really loud, didn't i?
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i apologize for that, scared some people. we have to get to the news. late last week it went down. >> the white house on the defense over a new smoking gun benghazi e-mail. >> some are calling a smoking gun. >> the smoking gun. >> jon: smoking gun. [ laughter ] it's one of worst kinds of guns. [laughter] a gun that smokes. its a terrible influence. [laughter] all the other guns that just having a good time. they are not smoking, not drinking and then that gun walks in. come on, all the cool guns are doing it. [ laughter ] now we went into iraq because we didn't want the smoking gown be in the form of a mushroom cloud. what was this gun smoking? >> the conservative watch dog group obtained internal white house e-mails that it claims reveal more about the effort to get u.n. ambassador susan rice to assert on the sunday morning talk shows that the attack on
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the u.s. consulate was the result of a demonstration over an internet video and not a failure of administration policy. >> jon: huh. that is different. the white house said they had very little to do with changing the talking points. now it looks like this ben rhodes did add to the talking points emphasissing the events around benghazi were not terrorists but related to a provocative anti-muslim video. that video, snow dogs. it aisle is a terrible, terrible video. [laughter] well, i will say this, from that e-mail it sounds like the white house -- well done. the white house had politics and elections on their mind when they sent susan rice to the sunday shows. it's deplorable. not sure what it means in terms of fixing the initial problems
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of inadequate communication and protection that caused the tragedy but okay moving on. >> where is the outrage over those four dead americans? [laughter] >> jon: wait, what now? >> we now know that the white house had a conspiracy where essentially what they were trying to do was change the story. >> will the mainstream media even pay attention? >> they are giving president obama a pass on benghazi. what was that outrage? the president and the white house created a political agenda. >> where is the media outrage? >> they knew it was a terrorist attack from the getgo. >> nobody seems to care. >> fox news is the only one that stayed on the story and has not let go of it. >> where is the outrage there? [laughter] >> jon: okay. i think i see the problem. [ laughter ] you think people's failure to match your level of outrage is based on ignorance that after nearly 100 network news stories,
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hundreds of cable news stories about benghazi 13 congressional hearing, 50 further briefing and 25,000 pages of official findings concerning what happened in benghazi that if we all only knew about it -- [laughter] -- we would care. [laughter] you know, there are very few things we've heard more about in the past year and a half. the only thing we've heard about in the past year and a half may be the kardashians and that thereis no dispute that this situation was spawned by the release of the video. i don't think there's any question. i think i see the problem. you are asking people to get outraged about an intelligence failure that tragically led to some americans losing their lives. one intelligence failure. imagine the outrage if there was a second failure after that one
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that tragically led to even more americans losing their lives? you are not concerned about that. you are concerned about this one intelligence failure and you are upset that the administration in its haste to get reelected pulled some dodgy face saving (bleep). that's what you are aafraid. i commend you for getting in touch with your outrage because in the past decade it was an emotion you didn't seem like addressing or expressing like when tom rich said he was pressured by ashcroft and rumsfeld to raise the terror threat level to help pruive's reelection chance. what do you say about that? >> tom ridge is a good and decent man entitled to his impressions but there's facts that stand between tom rinl and the smoking gun. >> if tom ridge was hoping to generate buzz about his upcoming book, mission accomplished.
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>> jon: zinc. that's not outrage. that is snark. snark is not outrage, silly. [laughter] when the bush administration planted a story about saddam hussein buying aluminum tubes in the "new york times" so that the same day the vice president of the united states, the secretary of state and the national security advisor could go on tv and say this. >> there's a story in the "new york times" this morning. reporting just this morning. >> high quality aluminum tubes that are only really suited for nuclear weapons programs. >> jon: they knew a year in advance that what they were saying on the show that day was not true. where was that outrage? >> where is the apology from the administration for this? >> why should there be an apology. hindsight is always 20/20. >> of course they are saying aliewm niewm tubes saying it's not nuclear material and others saying it is. >> it's a matter aassumption. >> but not a question of lying.
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>> jon: no, it's not a question of lying it's a statement of lying. it's not an assumption because -- let me explain what you assume -- [ applause ] -- all i know when you assume it makes an ass out of -- they were lying and they knew they were lying when they said that. withbut now benghazi and the ste department and the c.i.a. had information things were dangerous. should have had more protection. should have. that would be like sending soldiers to war without uparmorred vehicles and not only taking too long to fix the problem but answering a question about that problem like this. >> as you know you go to war with the army you have and not the army you might want. >> jon: zing. i forgot how much catch phrases
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came out of iraq. that was the like steve erkel of wars. if you were upset about benghazi that rumsfeld thing must have really massaged your o spot. your outrage spot which totally doesn't exist. >> they want to jump on the military, don rumsfeld, the administration. it was a plant by the media. >> jon: yeah, that's the real outrage of that rumsfeld quote the media bastards. why would a guy in the frontlines in iraq even be concerned about not having a properly uparmorred vehicle. doesn't make sense. wake up sheep-ple. that's just fox news. i'm sure owe elected officials like lindsey graham seemingly dedicated to keeping alive the memory of those we love in benghazi was as outraged and eager to provide for -- flagrant
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inability to get the soldier what's they need in harm's way. >> i don't want to pay politics with this. >> jon: i would rather play a nice game of pinnacle. would rather pass this southern afternoon before colonel beuregard arrives to escort me to a ba ball at the mainor. if i may say, your hypocritical outrage aside, the reason it's hard for everyone to get outraged by this terribly tragic and ultimately preventable disaster that was benghazi, is that everybody in this country has seen this movie before only that everybody in this country has seen this movie before only that movie was on ♪ ♪
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(man) i forgot to workout. (man) my workout. (vo) ...and memory issues. (vo) beat average. with gnc. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. [cheers and applause] now with the 2014 primaried why under way republican candidates are each fighting to appeal to their base. how can concertive voters tell who is the real mr. right? jordan klepper reports. >> as we head toward the 2014 mid-term elections republicans are terrified of being primary from the right. but south carolina senator lindsey graham isn't going to have that problem. accordingaccording to supporterd
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former congressman bob. >> he is the most conservative person in the south carolina senate race. >> and with endorsements from the chamber of commerce, national right to life and the mining association no one would dare take on this conservative ideologue. >> i believe i'm the true conservative in this race. >> seriously. >> lindsey graham is not a true conservative. >> that is his candidate bill connor. what makes him think he can take on graham. >> i'm endorsed by the facebook tea party 16,000 people throughout the nation and the grandparent rights association. >> seriously? >> yes. >> there really is say grandparents rights association? >> there is. >> do they judge by how many butterscotch candies or nickles they give to grandkids over the years? >> you'll have to ask them. >> i'll be damned bill connor is the most conserve active man in the race case closed.
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>> the most conservative is lee bright. >> who the (bleep) is lee bright? >> the beef, the full patty. >> he is running to the right of connor who is running to the right of graham. >> he has been endorsed by the gun owners of america. >> with these conservative voices it looked like a old time conservative endorsement off. >> the national mining association is significant. >> taxpayer hero award. >> does graham have a taxpayer hero award? >> i don't know. i mean -- >> i'm trying to parse it out in my head. the facebook tea party endorsement is that to the left or the right of taxpayer here yes award? >> probably to the right. >> the republican liberty caucus. >> american coalition for ethanol. >> national tea party leaders. >> great pos possum society. >> never heard of them. does lee bright have the support
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of great possum society? >> they don't encourse to. >> maybe there was a way to do this quantitively. >> lindsay has -- lindsey has a rating of 0 with the lgbt human rights campaign. >> zero is zero he didn't even try to help them. >> who wouldn't want a zero from a human rights campaign? what else. >> 92 with the nra. >> isn't that good? >> just a 92. there's a whole 8% left that is dangerous. >> you think 92 is a good grade? >> it's a very good grade, yeah. what does that mean maybe he voted against having a bazooka or something. i don't know. >> 100 spct a good grade. >> there's always room for improvement. >> now we're talking. >> extra credit 110%. >> can i get a 120% how about
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140%? this is neck in neck. phebe ko have debates in the spirit of lincoln us have douglas who settle it the right way. >> what is your in pocket. >> what is your pocket right now? >> constitution. this is mega points. >> thank you. >> that is what i'm talking about. >> a wall wet a driver's license. -- wallet with a driver's license. >> stop. what the (bleep) man larry, jeff and the other guy had a constitution on them. >> since i've got my iphone, can i look it up. >> you have an iphone? >> yeah. >> oh, my god joe biden. i'm dock you 600 points for that. he was out. what do you see, bill? >> patriotism. >> seriously? >> chick -- chick-fil-a.
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>> ten points. >> larry and jeff backed the candidate with the true conservative vision. >> maybe it's time to not be doing all these wars. >> whoa, whoa, what? >> we spend less on welfare than we do corporate welfare. >> slow down, san francisco. >> there are no lobbyists for we the people. >> oh, my god. >> these folks running supposedly to his right aren't -- you know, the spectrum comes around and touches. it's not really a line. it's really a bow. >> if we go over the bend we're going to end up on the -- jesus christ i'm on the left over here. you get to the left, you really do. >> be careful lindsey graham you do. >> be careful lindsey graham you get primary from both doesn't really look like burger. man 2: grilled beef patty? that's burger-esque. man 1: yeah, but the flour tortilla is, like, quesadilla-y.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight played for the new york yankees for 19 seasons. he is major league baseball's all-time saves and e.r.a. leader. his new book is called "the closer." ladies and gentlemen, let's go to the ben and bring him out. mar juano rivera -- mariano rivera, come here! [cheers and applause] ♪
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sandman. the greatest of all time, you are the michael jordan, the babe ruth of relief pitching. no one comes close to you. and i'm so mad about it. [ laughter ] >> jon, i know you are mad but -- >> jon: is that a yankee jersey? >> definitely. >> jon: thank you so much because i was going to clean my car. >> you can put it on top of your bed. [laughter] >> jon: this is lovely thank you so much. this is wonderful. >> jon, i feel bad for you, man. you know what i mean? >> jon: i know. >> you have been suffering all these years. trying to help you out. >> jon: it's terrible. do you know mets fans? do you ever meet them on street? do they have -- >> i have a friend. >> jon: i'm so sorry. >> i feel sorry, too. [ laughter ] i have a friend that comes to my
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house dressed. >> jon: mets gear. >> i said how come you come to my house like that. i love him like i love you. >> jon: that's very kind. when you go to the hall of fame. and you are going to the hall of fame. you may be even unanimous selection to the hall of fame. do you think you'll wear a mets cap or a yankees cap? what do you think you'll wear? s a big decision for players? do you think you'll -- >> i have to think about it. >> jon: can i take. that you rarely see stuff like this -- can you get in on this, chuck? look at this guy. look at this. [ laughter ] so this kid, this young skinny kid. this is on your way 1991 single a ball. what is that kid think something in does that kid have any idea the journey in front of him? >> no idea, jon. i came to this country to make
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the best out of it. my father said well, so you going there. do your best. that's what i did. i wasn't expecting anything. trying to play the game that i love. and i ended up here. >> jon: this is -- i think this is why everyone whether they are a fan of the yankees or not loves mariano riff -- rivera, your humility in the face of this is remarkable. if i had one save in the major leagues, i don't know that i'd ever wear a shirt again. >> real >> [laughter] >> jon: i don't think i would. you thought you would play probaseball for a little bit and then become a mechanic. >> yes, yes. if i didn't work, i save a little bit of money and open a shop. i want to be auto mechanic. but the lord have different things for me. >> jon: you have time now to do the auto mechanic thing. >> i'm thinking about it.
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>> jon: do you still -- the yankees did have a remarkable run. the core four, poe sado, jeter -- posada, jeter, rivera and some other guy. >> andy. >> jon: oh, yeah, pettitte. you had those guys. during that time the mets were also playing. [laughter] but the important thing is this what is the bond like between the four of you? is it a brotherly relationship? what is it like? >> it's a brotherly relationship. you something that you can -- can't describe. you grow up these three guys and come up to the big leagues for so many years and sharing good times and tough times. you know, but -- the beauty about it was that we all have the same kind of mentality.
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we know what we wanted to do. we had to go and beat the mets. [laughter] we all that in mind. >> jon: you did have to go beat the mets. and what did you do the next day? because that's not going to take too long mariano. is it found watch your paul derek play. you pliew blew out your knee and rehabbed it to come back for the final year. won comeback player year. any advice for derek? >> no advice, jon. my wish for derek is that -- and i pray every night for him to stay healthy so you can enjoy his whole year. >> jon: nice healthy year run the whole gamut. >> enjoying and make sure that he be there for his fans. because he deserves it. >> jon: you pray for that
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every night. >> oh, yeah. >> jon: never throw in anything for the mets like a nice corner outfielder. you have a direct line to god praying every night. >> we'll try, jon. >> jon: let's just let derek jeter have another nice year, why not? the best there ever was. the closer it's on the bookshelves now. never be another like one like.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> kinko demayo drink up. >> take a shot here to get the thing sta >> tonight its home state of thomas jefferson, yes, santa claus there is a virginia, then i check in on the state of racism in america after double-checking that my car doors are locked. and my guest eo wilson is a biologist who says humans have a lot to learn from ants. but when i excrete an odor trail to find my way home i get arrested. sony has developed its 185 terrabyte cassette, timely your mixed tapes can include two phish songs. this is the colbert report.